With mInfo
    If .fState And MFS_GRAYED Then
      .fState = (.fState And Not MFS_GRAYED) Or MFS_DISABLED
    End If
  End With

Private Const MFS_GRAYED As Long = &H3&
Private Const MFS_DISABLED = &H2
...
Public Sub SetPopMenuBitmapCallback(hSubMenu As Long, ByVal mnuItem As Long)
  'эта ф-ция используется только на "Вистах" (>=) не используется!!!
  If IsWinVista Then Exit Sub
  Dim mInfo As MENUITEMINFO
  
  If ThemesEnabled(Form1.hwnd) Then
    'на XP-стиле устраивает стандартное поведение
    With mInfo
      .cbSize = Len(mInfo)
      .fMask = MIIM_BITMAP
      .hbmpItem = HBMMENU_CALLBACK
    End With
  Else 'на классике снимаем Engraved-disable стиль
    With mInfo
      .cbSize = Len(mInfo)
      .fMask = MIIM_BITMAP Or MIIM_STATE 'запрашиваем исходное состояние mnuItem (на предмет MFS_GRAYED)
    End With
    Call GetMenuItemInfo(hSubMenu, mnuItem, True, mInfo)
  
    With mInfo
      .hbmpItem = HBMMENU_CALLBACK
      If .fState And MFS_GRAYED Then 'если item .Disabled
        ' оставляем Disabled, но при этом убираем "вдавленность"
        .fState = (.fState And Not MFS_GRAYED) Or MFS_DISABLED
      End If
    End With
  End If
  
  Call SetMenuItemInfo(hSubMenu, mnuItem, True, mInfo)
End Sub

Private Const ODS_SELECTED = &H1
Private Const ODS_DISABLED = &H4
Private Const ODS_GRAYED = &H2
  
Private Const COLOR_GRAYTEXT As Long = 17

Private Declare Function GetSysColor Lib "user32" (ByVal nIndex As Long) As Long
Private Declare Function SetTextColor Lib "gdi32" (ByVal hdc As Long, _
  ByVal crColor As Long) As Long

...
    Case WM_DRAWITEM 'классика или XP
        Dim item_disabled As Boolean
        Dim item_selected As Boolean
        item_disabled = dM.itemState And ODS_DISABLED
        item_selected = dM.itemState And ODS_SELECTED
        'здесь устанавливаем "серый стиль" на классике (код ниже позволяет поменять цвет menu item на любой!!!)
        If ThemesEnabled(Form1.hwnd) = False Then 'только классика
          If item_disabled Then SetTextColor dM.hdc, GetSysColor(COLOR_GRAYTEXT)
        End If
        Select Case menu_caption
          Case "Start":
            lngIcon = LoadImage(App.hInstance, MAKEINTRESOURCE(IIf(item_disabled, 111, 101)), IMAGE_ICON, 16, 16, LR_DEFAULTCOLOR)
          Case "Stop":
            lngIcon = LoadImage(App.hInstance, MAKEINTRESOURCE(IIf(item_disabled, 112, 102)), IMAGE_ICON, 16, 16, LR_DEFAULTCOLOR)

          Case "Help":
            'ради прикола окрасим в синий цвет
            If item_selected = False Then SetTextColor dM.hdc, vbBlue